Angst and Opportunity

by Morgan Besares Nelson

Have you ever had a meeting of divine moments?  When like a cascade of dominoes, one seemingly random, maybe even shallow act grows into a life changing experience?

​Friends, I am having a meeting of divine moments, right now! Let me explain.

A few months ago, after a day of wrangling wild toddlers, washing dishes, changing diapers, potty training and chasing the dog, I was done. I sat down on the couch and thought to myself- I have to get out of here, these kids are crazy. This house is crazy. I am going crazy! 

And then, as I was mindlessly scrolling through social media I saw a post by my friend John Creasy. He had reposted an announcement from Fossil Free PCUSA on his Facebook wall. They were sending a delegation to Puerto Rico and they needed people to go. He was asking- Does anyone want to go? I really admired the work John had done to encourage the denomination to divest from fossil fuels. Heck, I even started to recycle and use reusable zip top bags. 

I looked around at my disheveled living room and at the cheese puffs smashed into the carpet and thought, Forget this crazy mom business. I’m going to Puerto Rico. It is the island of my people. I probably SHOULD go. I should learn about what is happening there. I should get away from my crazies for a while.

So out of repressed tired-mom rage, randomness and impulsivity, I applied to be a part of the delegation thinking, there was no way they would accept me.

Well, they did.

A few weeks later, I got an e-mail that said I was in, I was part of the delegation.

I panicked. I applied out of bad motives! I was frustrated. I could not possibly go on a trip to Puerto Rico and leave my family for 10 days. That would be completely insane! Luckily I have a very enthusiastic cheerleader in my husband. He reminded me that as a Puerto Rican, I should know and see what was happening on the island and share what I learned with our community here and it was the opportunity of a lifetime.

So I said yes, and the life changing moments began.

As a part of our education to prepare us for the trip, all of the delegates were given a list of podcasts, articles, video clips and a few documentaries to read and watch.

Friends, I am being completely honest with you when I say that every story and historical account I have read or listened to so far has already changed my life.

As a Puerto Rican woman, I have a complicated relationship with being Puerto Rican and white. But I have never understood why. As I have been preparing for the trip I have delved deep into the history of the Puerto Rican people and I have learned just how complicated being Puerto Rican is. There is so much pain and beauty wrapped up in the story of the Boriqua and I am honored they have invited us to come and learn from them. 

I am curious about what I will learn on the island of my ancestors. I am excited to continue to be changed by this experience. I can only say for now that in my moment of impulsivity and angst the Divine One gave me a great gift and I believe the best is yet to come. 

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